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Sometimes my actions contradict my claims...
I believe that the definition of what I say is found in my action. I say that I believe that the good news of Jesus. And the good news is, that faith in Him results in a transformed life. He even challenges us to act on what He says, assuring us that we would see it is true. My question is: If faith precedes transformation, and our experience is a confirmation of that faith, does the disorder that one holds on to nullify faith. Better said, when my actions contradict my claims, what am I to believe about myself? Am I wrong to believe that the transformation Jesus offers is whole and able to free us from self-addiction? This may seem like an elementary question. It's just that I'm tired of returning to my vomit.
Your honesty, sincerity, and intensity really come through in this question. When your actions contradict your claims, I think you can believe that you are an imperfect person like all of us, in process, sometimes willing in spirit but weak in flesh, still loved by God - who knows we “are but dust,” and who is more realistic about and less surprised by our frailty than we are.