What's a guy like me to do??

… Anyhow, I just received your latest book in the mail (a Generous Orthodoxy). I'm up to chapter 2 at this point, and I haven't found anything too outrageous yet (quite frankly I'm disappointed, but waiting). To the point. I'm wondering if you have a resource or direction to point me. I am a rather conservative sort in many ways - grew up in a fundamentalist church, mild rebellion, went to a very conservative Christian University that was considered liberal by the church I grew up in, and really ran from God's call on my life for a significant amount of time (I can get into that a bit more if you have time to respond). After my too much schooling (M.Div. Th.M, and 2 years of Doctoral work in philosophical Theology at ???), … I am decidedly evangelical in my orientation, from a rather baptist angle. I don't particularly like most things about most churches, I don't particularly like most "Christians", I HATE church politics, and probably most importantly know how screwed up I am and how little what I know to be true (however modernist/postmodernist/existentially you want to define that) actually filters into my day to day life (e.g., orthopraxy, or as Willard would say a renovated heart). The truth is that I can't stand living this way, but have become disillusioned with all of the right Sunday School answers. At the same time I have what is no doubt from your perspective (and sometimes mine) a way too foundationalist orientation. To me those foundations/"fundamentals"/doctrines etc. are not simply cultural expressions of Christianity at a given time and place (though I am more than willing to admit that they are in part). So I guess the question is, given your view and framework, what's a guy like me to do? I want to "do" ministry, better, I want to be a minister to others in the truest sense of the word (not necessarily a professional sense), but I'm more than a little jaded by it all - conservative, liberal, seeker/purpose - driven and emergent.
If that's not confusing enough, I'd love to hear from you.

You’re right – that’s confusing! But it’s also honest, and there are so many who find themselves in a similar situation. I wish I could offer a magic solution, but the best I can say is this: Stay faithful to God. Do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God. Don’t let up on the first-order practices – prayer, worship, confession, thankfulness, reconciliation, meditation. If you hold on in these ways, I am confident God will lead you through in time. But in my experience, the “tunnel” can be very long and very dark. I felt that God took very big risks with me – letting me come so close to despair, and to remain there for so long. In the end, the dark tunnel (aka dark night of the soul) did its work on/in me, and for that I am grateful, although I hate the thought of having to go through too many more of those tunnels in my life (but not as I will…).

I’d also strongly recommend some sort of primary community – a spiritual director at the least, or a few friends with whom you can share openly, who won’t try to fix you, but will be there for you. I hope there will soon be some resources for forming groups like this at the www.emergentvillage.com site. Perhaps others who read this posting will join me in praying for you and so many others in similar straits - as they reach the end of this sentence.